I am Not About Originality

I am stealing the format of this post pretty much directly from mi amiga Nancy and her blog.  In case you were wondering, yes, I am going to keep linking to it until everyone reads it.  It is brilliant and funny and will make your life better.  Also I'm hoping all this pressure will force her to update all the time.

Anyway, in case you don't like clicking things or you don't know how, this is essentially what I'm stealing from her for this entry: 

"I could talk all day about what my life is about or the things I want to accomplish.  The challenge, as Ms. Niequest explains, is to decide what your life isn’t and who you are not.  What can you commit to not doing?  What can you commit to not worrying about and not feeling guilty over in order to make time in your life and space in your mind and heart for the things that really are important?  So Shauna and I both made lists of things that we will not be doing.  (She made hers first, and I stole a few of her ideas).  This list can always change and I can add and take away from the list as I see fit depending on the season of my life.  But for today, this is my list of things I will not be about.  Enjoy!"

 So this is going to be my short list of things I am not about.  The first clearly being originality.  Building on that, just like Ms. Higson stole from Ms. Niequest, so I will steal from Ms. Higson.

1. I will not keep my opinions to myself.

This one came to me as I was recently listening to the annual "Conundrum Gabfest" that the Slate Political Gabfest puts out at the end of the year, where they just debate random etiquette/political/philosophical topics because everyone just loves to hear them talk so much.  That sounds mean and sarcastic, but I mean that seriously.  I could listen to those three all day.

One of the topics brought up by Emily Bazelon was this question: When someone you care about is getting serious (like engaged) to someone you think is wrong for them, is it ever OK to speak up? What about other big decisions, such as buying a house?

The overwhelming answer from the other two people was "Obviously not, no one wants to hear that.  Maybe for a house it's ok, but relationships, keep it to yourself."  And I know they're right.  I cannot tell you how many times I have sat in living rooms/cars/metros/on the phone and heard my friends complain about significant others who are clearly awful, and just repeated to myself over and over, "Do not say anything.  Do not say anything.  Ask neutral questions.  Do not say anything."  

I always say something.  I can't help it.  This has hurt friendships, this has led to some very uncomfortable moments, but at the end of the day, I care about my friends so much more than whether or not they particularly want to be friends with me.  And I think everyone needs someone who they know will give them an honest opinion, even when it hurts.  So sorry, friends of past, present and future.  Maybe don't ask me to give wedding toasts.

And PS, friends who are reading this, if you're thinking that I'm talking about you...you're probably right.  All of you.  I over-share my opinions all the time always.

2. I will not watch nature documentaries.

First of all, I don't like nature.  It's full of bugs and dirt and we spent a long time getting the hell away from it and I, for one, don't want to spit in the face of all that hard work.  But even just watching TV about nature, while I understand it is bug-free, is incredibly depressing.

My brother once tried to share this video with me and my mom, in part because it's a cool nature-y thing and in part because it takes place at Kruger Park, a place my family has visited quite often.  Supposedly, at the end, some lovely thing happens with the baby water buffalo getting rescued or something, but we didn't make it there.  I started crying at around the 7-second mark, or whenever the buffalo gets cornered, because that is awful.  AWFUL.  I understand this is the real world and that nature is cruel and there are predators and blah blah blah.  I hate it and I don't want to see it.  I don't want to live around lions or crocodiles and baby anythings shouldn't be preyed upon.  And I feel like every nature documentary ends with some baby something getting eaten or almost eaten or abandoned.  No.  Thank you.  At least in stories of human cruelty, there is some lesson to be learned about humanity, a species that is a part of my daily life.  Learning about lion cruelty is disheartening and makes it really hard to enjoy how much they look like giant kittens.

3. I will not cook for myself.

I love cooking when I'm home with my family, or when friends come to visit.  There are few things I enjoy more, in fact, than getting together with friends and preparing a huge meal.  But when I'm on my own, I think cooking is stupid.  I microwave vegetables, I buy pre-made meals, I put cheap-o garlic salt on just about everything.  And (this is stealing from Nancy) I will eat the same thing every night, without shame, and if I could afford to make that thing a Chipotle salad, I would definitely do it.  As it is, that thing will likely be a bag of microwaveable green beans.

4. I will not stay in relationships past when I get bored in a conversation.

This is almost certainly why 3 months is my current all-time record, and this is also almost certainly something I should work on.  But not yet.  Right now, at this "season of my life", I don't want to waste my time with people who bore me.  In part, this is totally unfair.  I happen to have insanely funny, smart, witty friends who make every conversation a stomachache-inducing laugh-fest, or a mind-blowing deep-thought-inducing exchange of ideas, or some mix of the two.  No man should have to compete.  But if I'm thinking about how much laundry I need to do during our date...well...maybe try harder with the next gal.

So thank you, Nancy, for this idea!  I really enjoy declaring things I won't do.  I wish I could have the balls of one of my ex-students, who told me he just wasn't a "homework person".  Somehow I feel like my thesis advisor isn't going to go for that one.