New Nose, New Times

I have the best possible excuse for not updating: I've been hospitalized.  Coincidentally, this is also my excuse for not going to the gym and eating poorly, so I'm really hitting up all those New Year's Resolutions.

I had a deviated septum repaired, and let me tell you, it feels awesome.  Breathing is really underestimated. 

Since then, I've traveled to California and back for the holiday weekend.  I went to the Ojai 4th of July parade, and I think this event really captures my hometown in a nutshell.  There was a healthy mix of tractors, smart cars, giant raised trucks and people dressed like vegetables.  I wish I could find a good picture of the raised truck I had in my mind.  It was approximately 800 feet off the ground and had an eagle and an American flag painted on it.  Perfect for the parade, but I couldn't help but marvel at the fact that this person has this truck every other day of the year, too.  What happens on days when he or she is not feeling particularly patriotic?  Probably takes public transportation, like a real socialist.


There were also representatives of different spiritual centers from across the valley, as Ojai has the highest number of these per capita.  To be fair, we only have about 10,000 capita, but still, well done to us for being so enlightened.  Also this added lots of pretty saris to the festivities.


My journey back to DC had a layover in Cleveland, which actually turned out to be a halfway decent airport.  But the little hopper flight from Cleveland to BWI was miserable.  First of all, it was in a prop plane, which I hate.  I used to have to take those from DFW to Abilene, and it took me until about junior year to realize that the "prop" came from "propeller" and not "prop" like for a movie.  As in a pretend plane.  Because it certainly does not feel like a real plane.  But to be honest, I've more or less gotten used to those by now.  The main reason this flight was miserable was because of my neighbour on the flight.


I am a friendly person.  I don't mind a little conversation, a little polite small talk to make things less awkward.  One of my most pleasant flying memories was being on a plane to the UK and spending almost the entire flight chatting with a 70 year old man sitting next to me about the Harry Potter book in my lap.  But I have limits.  And these limits are even more important when working on 2 hours of sleep.  And I most often express those limits by answering politely but concisely and then putting in headphones.  And this lady, my neighbour, did not seem to know these rules.  She asked where I was flying from (because who the hell actually comes from Cleveland?) and I said L.A. and returned the question.  She said Miami because she was visiting her boyfriend.  I did my limits thing: "Oh, that sounds nice.  Well let's hope it's a nice, smooth flight home!" and headphones in.  Ready for some Bon Iver and mah jong.  Next thing I know, a cell phone (still on!  No respect for anyone's rules!) is in my face with a picture of an old chubby man.  "This is my boyfriend, he's handsome, isn't he?"  "Oh, um, yes, he has nice eyes." "Well he's 57 and he looks great for his age doesn't he?" "Yeah, absolutely, I would never have guessed 57." "He's wonderful.  So handsome.  Great body.  Big, you know?"  "Oh that's so great that you guys found each other." (hands still holding my headphones, about an inch away from my ears) "Well he's not all great.  Last night...he was texting someone.  At 2:30 AM.  And when I rolled over to see who it was...he covered his phone.   What do you think that means?" ...


I then proceeded to talk with this lady about every aspect of her relationship for about an hour and a half, the entire length of the flight.  That's longer than most of my own relationships even last.  

So this is my thought for this week: I miss etiquette.  That is to say, I miss something that has never been cool in my lifetime.  For the most part, I get this.  I don't like the idea that something just inherently should not be done for no reason other than it just isn't.  I think it's silly and, more importantly, disenfranchising.  If you know the rules, you're in the club, but there's no way to know the rules other than to be in the club, and so we limit social mobility and accentuate class differences.  I like the idea that we act in ways that make sense, not just ways that Emily Post says are acceptable.


But I also think basic social rules do play an important role, and total disdain for them is unhealthy and counterproductive.  For example, if there were rules of etiquette for text messages, we would not have people getting in fights over how tone comes across or texting too late or too early in the morning.  The dismissal of etiquette for wedding invites (so many of my friends do it on facebook now...) means that people end up confused and angry because it's unclear how official the RSVP is, or what guest limits are.  Placing the buffer of etiquette rules means that we can all maintain better relationships with one another, and that's the point of it all, isn't it?  If this woman next to me had just picked up on my polite hints, we both would have left the plane with nothing but pleasant memories of meaningless small talk.  As it stands now, if I ever see that lady again, I will run the other direction.


She decided to run a background check and make him come see her in Baltimore, in case you were wondering.  It seemed like a sound decision to me.